Helping with caregivers’ anxiety over Christmas

As much as we love Christmas, if you a family caregiver especially for someone living with dementia, you may find it a very stressful time. You may find that your person with dementia (PWD) may be unsettled with more going on than usual and that you will instinctively find yourself acting as a kind of liaison between them and family and visitors. You may feel overprotective; you may feel social embarrassment if they behaved inappropriately, and there may just be the inevitable strain of trying to keep too many balls in the air. It helps if you have smart, grown up children home from university who give you extra pairs of eyes and hands, but even then, you may feel extra pressure. And you are not alone! New research from Lottie (a later living marketplace) have found a surge in caregivers turning to Google to cope with “festive anxiety” as we approach the Christmas period. There has been a 300% increase in online searches for ‘Christmas anxiety’; 180 % increase in online searches for ‘Christmas stress’, 175% increase in online searches for ‘Christmas depression’, and 100 % increase in online searches for ‘carer anxiety’. But there are things you can do to reduce stress.

First of all, list the things that you are afraid could go wrong. Make this list with a friend if possible. Look at each item on the list and ask yourself ‘how likely is this to happen? Where is the evidence that it might? Bringing fears into the open often reveals they are not built on fact, but often feelings from the past and related events. If there is good reason to believe that it might happen come up with tactics to prevent it. For example, if the door is left open too long as people come in or leave, Dad may make a dash for it. A tactic would be to task someone with keeping an eye on him and deflecting him at the first sign of making a break for it. The key here is designating tasks to different people – they’re usually happy to help once they’re confident they know what to do.

The second thing is to plan ahead and make a list of things that need to be done. It’s surprising the difference that making a simple list makes! You feel more in control simply by anticipating tasks. Alongside each one, list those items you will need help with, and if possible, ask someone in advance.

The third thing is to tell yourself that no one is perfect and that life doesn’t always run smoothly. Remind yourself that God’s Holy Spirit is with you. Caregivers often feel alone even in a crowd, but God has promised to never leave you. It’s a promise repeated in both the Old and the New Testaments, (Hebrews 13:5). Don’t expect perfection in yourself or others. If you find stress is building, tell someone negative emotions can be lessened when shared.

The fourth tactic is to take time out of your day to focus on the present moment. If you can, give yourself a ‘hot chocolate moment’. The expression comes from a commercial for hot chocolate where a mother opens the front door to the babysitter, leads her into the baby’s room, then goes into the kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate which she sits down to drink by herself. Concentrate on the taste; on the chair you are sitting in, and on your breathing. Breathe in and out slowly. You may not hear the music but you will feel the soothing effect!

Most importantly, commit the time to God both in advance and on the day. Ask people in your church to pray for you.

If it will fit into your Christmas time, try doing a session of Christmas Brain and Soul Boosting. A copy is free to download from our website (click here). As well as drawing thoughts into Jesus and his birth in Bethlehem, it helps bring people together in a calm, warm atmosphere.