Tips for making the most of Christmas for people living with dementia

Notes from Zoom meeting on Tuesday 19th November 2.30pm.

We know that Christmas can boost the well-being of older people, including those living with dementia. And to help us make the most of it we held a special Zoom meeting with two experts, Sally Nevitt, Older Person’s Pastor at Immanuel Church in Southbourne, known locally as ‘the dementia church’ because of its wide range of helps and activities, and Jane Trimarco, Operations Manager for Pilgrims’ Friend Society who supports our Activities and Community Engagement (ACE) Facilitators in our care homes.

To begin, Louise recommends downloading the Brain and Soul Boosting Christmas Special. It can be used in family groups or in church.

Christmas at home

• Ease into Christmas - don’t do it suddenly. Talk about it in advance. Don’t put your Christmas decorations up all at once. Do it gradually, so Grandad doesn’t get disoriented. If possible, have Grandad help, perhaps making some simple ones.

• Go through the Christmas story with our special Brain and Soul Boosting Workbook. It works well with the whole family, and centres the celebration on the real meaning of the holiday!

• Remember the power of Scripture – spiritual interventions that the Holy Spirit can enliven to bless Grandad. Learn to mirror a current situation with a Scripture. For example, when you are cooking you could refer to the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000. Christian souls are strengthened when linked naturally to Scripture.

• Christmas is a wonderful opportunity for reminiscence therapy! Most people have happy memories of Christmas that can be evoked in so many ways – by Carols and Christmas songs (will ‘White Christmas’ ever disappear?), by scents and smells, by pictures and cards, wrapping paper … any number of things. But importantly, don’t place any pressure on your loved one to think about the past. It should come naturally, in a calm and stress-free environment. Going over old photographs is good, but not asking ‘do you remember’! You can avoid it by saying ‘I remember,’ or simply commenting on the picture – ‘Aunty Kath looks so young here!’

• Play traditional Christmas carols as well as music of his generation (White Christmas again!).

• If he is able to come to church for the traditional services, tell him in advance what will be happening. It’s probably best to tell him several times. If possible, sit towards the back of the church so you can leave easily, if necessary.

• Involve him in making Christmas cards, or drawing up a list. Lead his memory by saying something like, ‘now, thinking of Aunty Kath, I’m wondering who else in that line should have a Christmas card?’

• If family is coming for Christmas, tell Grandad in advance, and tell him more than once. Tell him with warmth and anticipation

• Organise the day like a military campaign! Do as much as possible beforehand, and if necessary, give people who haven’t seen Grandad for some time an idea of what to expect. Warn them not to ask questions, but to show him that they are really happy to see him. PLWD are sensitive to atmosphere and body language.

• Make sure he is sitting where he can observe and choose whether or not to join in the conversation, and not in a draught.

• When everyone sits at the table, if the cloth is white put a red place marker at each place to make a contrast with the white plate on the table. Don’t overload Grandad’s plate and make sure his food is suitably sized so he can pick it up easily. He may eat slowly now, but don’t rush him

• If you and Grandad will be spending Christmas day with another family, tell him in advance and remind him from time to time. Involve him in wrapping presents for the family. Creative sense of anticipation and pleasure.

• Most importantly, avoid sensory overload, and make sure there is a place where Grandad can retreat if he gets tired or has a ‘melt down.'

Christmas in a residential care home

• Consult with managers and carers so you can support their plans and activities where possible.

• Ask if there is anything they would like you to do, or contribute, or you may have your own ideas.

• If taking Grandad out of the home to your home for Christmas, plan well in advance, taking advice from the home’s registered manager and carers who’ve come to know him well.

Taking a Christmas service in a care home

Your church may like to hold a Christmas service in a care home. This is something that comes naturally where a church is already involved with the home, for example if volunteers visit to help with activities and to befriend residents. But some churches feel they can do it only on some occasions, like Christmas and Easter. Some tips are –

• Talk with the care manager, and draw on her experience. Find out what works best in her home.

• Ask her advice on the best timing, and if there is anything you should know that would be helpful. One of our visiting pastors found that an elderly man with dementia would keep shouting, and he and the manager arranged that if it got out of hand a carer would take him into another room.

• It helps for the visiting group to introduce themselves individually to each resident beforehand. Make connections.

• If the home doesn’t have them (our Pilgrims’ Friend Society homes all do!) bring hymn books, or print out words on A4 paper. Most residents are still the Sunday School generation, and hymn books are part of their tradition, but printouts allow for larger letters.

• You will need a microphone and a speaker for the Bible reading and the message: keep it short and simple, and on only one topic, around five to 10 minutes.

• Try and check that everyone has their hearing aids.

• Choose familiar old hymns and carols. And remember to smile!

For church, and Christmas for people living with dementia (PLWD)

Older Persons’ Pastor at Immanuel RFC church in Southbourne, Sally Nevitt, has initiated and oversees over 12 ‘dementia inclusive’ activities in her church. She is happy to answer questions – send me your email and I will forward it to her.

Some key principles are –

• Choose people who can be ‘buddies’ in church if required, for PLWD and their caregivers. They can sit alongside and help if required.

• Mention their availability on the Christmas notice sheets.

• Consider offering an additional, shorter service for PLWD. Just advertise it as a shorter service celebrating Christmas. Use traditional Christmas music, rather than modern works.

• Make sure that the church building is well lit, with clear signage – sometimes pictures work better than words.

• If your church runs a dementia ‘club’ or ‘café,’ advertise this more widely to benefit more.

• Remember that coming to faith, and the gift of faith itself, is a work of the Holy Spirit. Use simple words in preaching the Gospel, but don’t dilute the message. I have many accounts of people, even in the deepest dementia, coming to faith.